Visitors

At the side of my blog you will notice the Feedjit Traffic Feed. I only put it there to see if anyone actually came to my blog. I had set up a traffic feed thingy previously which despite the comments I was receiving steadfastly told me that zero people visited, ever.

Imagine my surprise then at the variety of visitors. Yesterday, someone from the 'Central District' came looking for something. I know not what. I am intrigued. Where is the Central District? Is it near Birmingham, or is it one of the old USSR states? There seem to be so many. Fascinating.

Someone from Albania searching for info on the BVC. IS that for real?

Also Ireland seems to have found me in the last few days, as has the good old USofA. To be honest, I don't know if you can go to prison for breaking the GDL, but I guess your GDL is not the same as ours!

Most people tend to be searching something to do with the GDL or BVC.

Someone even searched for 'Overwhelmed by the BVC'. (Was that you again Bar Boy?)

If you visit, please feel free to email me. I did the GDL, so if you didn't get all of your questions answered, just email me. The address is up by Sid the Squirrel. The person wondering about being a mature student on the GDL, I did it. I can probably answer whatever your question may have been. I would love to help. I remember trying to find out stuff before I began the GDL, and BVC for that matter, and really struggled to find out what I wanted.

For the person searching for 'protracter', I suppose you didn't find what you were looking for. My post on 'Draughting' obviously caught your search, but if you can spell protractor correctly you would do better! Still, in the spirit of helpfulness, I have left you a picture at the top of this post.

So all you visitors, send me an email, post comments, slag me off, have a laugh. Just don't slip in, and slip out never to be heard of again.

Swizz

RADAR

The Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts, have a department that deals with business training. My illustrious Inn, Inner Temple, lay on a training session run by RADA to teach presentation, speech etc to young hopefuls. having blagged my way on the course as an old hopeful, it turned out that there were about 120 hopefuls of various ages, me not being the oldest!

Split into three sessions to teach us essential stuff, and it all looked promising.

Session 1, I was taught to say my name clearly. Essential for any pupillage interview apparently as if I am not clear they would sit wondering through the whole interview just who I was. Lets ignore the fact for one moment that the interview panel are not numbnuts, wouldn't they know who I was? Wouldn't they have written to me and invited me in for a chat? Wouldn't they have my cv in frot of them? Apparently not. They need me to say H.E.L.L.O....M.Y N.A.M.E...I.S....S.W.I.S.S......T.O.N.Y. Accompanied with a smile.

Session 2, and we did facial exercises, and lots of tongue twisters. This was actually the most fun part of the day. Quite a laugh, but I wonder just how useful it will be to me. When asked why I want to be a barrister I will be able to come out with some shite about the sixth sheiks sick sheep, or peter and his pickled pepper. Good stuff.

Session 3, I can honestly say I have no idea what it was about. Quite an eccentric guy who was pretty amusing, but I don't think anyone actually grasped what the heck he was on about or what relevence it had to anything, let alone making us better barristers. I do know that I was on my feet for over an hour and just wanted to sit down.

In its favour though, I did meet and speak to loads of other BVC'ers and found that Hearsay is unfathomable and nonsense, and that the course is alright.

I also believe that Inner temple, and full marks to them, are brilliant for laying on the activities that they do. I may not have gleaned a lot from this one, but have from others and will continue to do as many as I can.

I have been led to believe that Inner Temple is the best Inn for layong on educational activities. It has a Debating Society which I understand Middle has lost now and the others don't, and is the only one to hold the RADA sessions. (Maybe there is something in them not holding it!) I am sure others will be able to stick up for their Inns, but having picked Inner for a simple reason which has nothing at all to do with knowing what I was doing, luck seems to have favoured me. (As it did with BVC provider)

Anyway, just imagine me in a some demented way saying very slowly and very clearly, Hello, my name is Swiss..... Tony. Imagine the cheesy smile on my face. Would you give me a job? Nah.

GDL and BVC

Before I began the GDL I was pretty confident that I wouldn't pass or get anywhere, based on a lifetime of not being particularly academic or achieveing much!

I began the first year (I did it distance learning because I run my own business which I needed to keep going) with a pretty slack attitude. It would be nice to pass but hey, lets see what happens.

I found that I did enjoy the course. That surprised me actually. Law became fascinating to me. I found the amount of work a pain, and I found that there were just too many things to cram into my little head, but I took the first years exams and passed.

That moment of illumination made me think seriously about the possibilities that lay ahead. I decided to be a Barrister rather than a solicitor. Nothing I could really put my finger on other than maybe a perception that Barrister was above Solicitor so I wanted to aim high. There were obviously other minor factors like not wanting to do a Training Contract for 2 years on crap money, when I could do one years pupillage on a decent wedge, etc.

Advocacy was something that I worried about. Standing up and speaking is not my favourite thing. I decided that I would deal with that and aim towards becoming a Barrister. It did help to have a direction to aim in.

The second years exams were so much better. Mainly because I had sorted out my exam technique, and because I had also realised that it was possible to pass.

Looking back at the GDL it was a hard slog. No other way to describe it. An immense amount of information to remember, and it was all academic. (Not my strong point) I would say that out of our group of 60 students, I was in the bottom 25%. No way was I ever going to excel at it.

I enrolled for the BVC and then panic set in. I was embarrased to tell people from the GDL that I was going for the BVC as we all knew that you had to be good, and quite frankly I was at best, below average.

I wondered just who was I trying to kid. No A levels, left home at 16, no professional qualifications, no nothing. I did have a wealth of experience both from work and Family Law which I felt would get me to the bar, but hang on, I am just not academic enough. Not bright enough. Not made from the right mould. Not the right background. Oh dear. My serious thought was that if I could do the GDL I could do the BVC, call myself a barrister and carry on running my business because I would never be offered a pupillage.

Scroll down to my posts before the BVC began and only part of my worry was exhibited!

But then the BVC began, and I have loved it. It is the most enjoyable course I have ever done. It is not academic, it is practical, and not what I expected.

I did as much research as I could before I began and the best I could find was that it is not like doing a law degree, but I found getting actual information on what the course does, how lessons work etc was difficult to find. I think Andropov the Great gave me the most information, but I was worried.

I have tried to go through the subjects as we do them to explain whats involved, and I will continue to do so, and hopefully I will continue to enjoy myself.

As for my realisation that standing up and speaking was not my strong point, you may have read my post on the LAMDA course, but I also joined my Inns Debating Society, and that has sorted the problem out. I now quite enjoy speaking to the class, and i thelps with quick thinking and thinking on your feet. I will do a post on Debating when I have something good to mention, but I have found it invaluable.

So thats that. The BVC is great

Draughting

Draughting is easy peasy lemon squeazy. Admittedly I have done it for nigh on 30 years, so should be good at it by now (or out of work) but come on, it comes naturally.

I can sketch, draw to the finest quality on the back of fag packets (Actually I tried that once but the box is shiney and the pen wouldn't work properly), napkins (they fall apart and are naff to draught on), the finest parchment, cartridge paper, graph paper, plain paper, linen, tracing paper and even in the sand. I have drawn at A4, A3, A1, A0, even Double Elephant (Don't ask because I don't know). When I draw on computer (everyone does don't you know) I draw in infinity. Wow, Buzz Lightyear eat your heart out.

I have drawn sitting down, standing up, on my head, even in the Southern Hemisphere! And Wales too come to that! I can draw with pens, pencils, Rapidographs, even blood if I had to.

Drawing boards, T-squares, adjustable angles, protracters, stencils, sanitary fittings templates, Autocad, freehand, scales, compasses, rubbers, razor blades and even angle poise lamps, I am an expert. No one can touch Swiss on draughting.

Draughting is so easy that i am king of draughting. If it needs to be draughted, I am your man. I will be top of the class and get an outstanding with ease. I may even help my colleagues who judging by the way they hold a pen will really struggle with this.

Whats that Bar Boy? Drafting? Whats that then?

Blimey, whats this all about? Writing? Legal stuff? Drafting?

I bought a copy of Pleadings without Tears, and was crying by page 5! It clearly is not working as a book. Misrepresentation methinks! All my plans for coming top have come crashing down to reality.

Drafting? Now I have a dilemna. Hearsay is in my head. I got it in the end. If I let Drafting in, Hearsay will fall out. I know it happens. I have studied law stuff before and keeping more than one concept in your head just does not work.

Drafting? Bloody american spelling. Why can't we keep it draughting and then I would be good at it.

Blimey.

Hearsay Evidence

WTF.........

This reminds me of the GDL, when they tell you to read something, you read it, and haven't got a darn clue what on earth it is all about. Funnily enough, it is the first thing on the course that hasn't seemed to be completely logical, clear and simple. (Other than Numpty in the class who is clearly simple)

Hearsay:
“Any statement made otherwise than by a person while giving oral evidence in the proceedings, which is tendered as evidence of the matters stated.”

OK, I understand that bit (I think), but you only need to read a further page, paragraph, sentence, or word, and it all goes to pot.

Hearsay.

I think I would stand more chance of trying to understand how 5 kids on a TV pop show could make so much money out of so little talent.

I think I need to do a bit more investigation on the subject and hopefully report back when I know what I am talking about.

Swizz

The Winders

I did read a very interesting tale about the 'Winders' on another blog, (Paranoid Pupil i think) describing the 'Winders' It is the Bankruptcy court dealing with winding up orders against companies. In a morning, always a Wednesday apparently, about 300 companies hit the skids.

This week I was observing. The High Court Judge deals with people's livelihoods in a very fast way. A certain amount of paperwork has to be submitted, in the correct order, and dealt with on the correct dates. The debtor serves a notice on the company, the application is advertised in the London Gazette, and a Certificate of Compliance with a list of creditors is sent to the court. The advert must be seven days or more after the service.

The court was packed with about 50 Junior Barristers with gowns and wigs. There were some members of the public who no doubt wanted to see the scumbags that owed them money declared dead and buried.

The clerk will call out, '56789 Dead Company Limited' Both parties, if they are there, rise. Usually there was just the one. 'I rise for the creditor and ask that if the paperwork is in order the usual order is given' The judge will check the paperwork (actually that had already been done so he had a series of ticks on a sheet) and said 'Yes, all in order, the usual order granted'

And that's the end of Dead Company Limited. Sum total, five seconds.

Half way through, with about 25% of cases not having the right paperwork, or the barrister making a complete tit of themselves in front of a gleeful audience, we got to '6789 Dead Scaffolding Company' The barrister rose, 'I rise for the creditor and ask that if the paperwork is in order the usual order is given'. The Judge began to say something but was interrupted by:

'NOOOOOOO....' Everyone looked round to see two of the biggest muscly men in history stood at the back demanding their day in court.

'Who are you?' asked the judge. 'We're Directors of the Scaffold Company and we don't wanna be wound up like. We managed to get the old bank manager to transfer £5000 this morning to clear the debt like'

The barrister looked a trifle concerned that the two guys would have words outside court if they didn't have their say, so he stumbled, muttered and tried to slide back into his chair.

'It aint our fault, the stoopid court froze the bank account so we cuddent pay the stoopid bill could we, but we done it today some'ow like'

The other director chipped in 'Yeah, our account is managed by the banking equivalent of Mr Bean'

Everyone looked at the judge. Possibly because these two guys looked as if they meant business and would beat up anyone who would disagree with them.

The judge looked up 'I am afraid that you will find that the whole British banking system is being run by the equivalent of Mr Bean!'

Judges, don't you just love 'em. Heart of gold he had, sense of humour, and top bloke.
The scaffold boys live to fight another day

Doing the LAMDA

As part of my glorious Inn's educational activities, a session of Lamda had been organised. They have actually arranged various sessions, and as Bar Boy discovered a couple of weeks ago, the Advocacy session was brilliant, and so today I found that doing the Lamda was probably better!

Whilst I admit that I did feel slightly overdressed in my little outfit (as pictured), the only drawback I found was the the skirt was slightly too short.

The session is all about communication. It is run by the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Arts (LAMDA), and had nothing to do with South American dancing with two hot chicks in my arms. I will admit to being a little dissapointed, but I didn't like to admit to my mistake, so gamely carried on.

We were divided into groups of 6 or 7, and following a heap load of relaxation exercises and facial gurning we each had a go at reading a few lines from Shakespeare, which was then praised and criticised in sometimes equal amounts! For some reason I was compared to Bottom! (Must have been the short skirt)

Then came the testing part. We had been asked to prepare a three minute speech which was listened to, picked apart, analysed, put back together, replayed, questioned, analysed again, and then applauded.

All in all, I did learn a massive amount about how to communicate effectively, how to project my voice, keep the audience interested, and generally not look stupid when speaking in public.

If anyone ever gets the chance to attend one of these events, go for it. It was brilliant.

Swizz