Sunday, 20 December 2009

If you don't know now, you never will

Swiss is shocked.

All lessons have been done. All ticked off the giant calendar in the hall, smiley faces on the chart on the fridge, and there is no more to learn in either Criminal stuff, or civil stuff, or any other type of stuff stuff.

Can that be right? Does Swiss possess the entire field of knowledge required to be a Barrister?

Looking back over the last two years of turning up at CofL, playing in the sand pit, doing potato paintings, basket weaving, raffia work, dot the dot and colouring in, all to the required standard set by those chaps at the Bar Council, is this really it?

Is Swiss now able to stand up and defend a guilty scumbag and mitigate his sentence? Slim chance if the teachers comments are anything to go by. 'Yeah, that was all OK Swiss, but you forgot to mention the sentence.'

Your default injunction was good, but you got the claimant and defendant mixed up.

Your cross examination was good until you burst into tears.

Your opinion was good, but completely wrong.

Your non leading questions were good, but were leading.

Your particulars of claim were good but you forgot to mention the case once.

Is Swiss really able to do anything in real life?

Buggered if Swiss would ever instruct a Barrister if this is what they get taught.

Shocking, thats what it is.

Thursday, 10 December 2009

Prisoner on the loose

Swizz is shocked. (Seems like a good opening phrase, and it tends to be used quite a lot lately)

Monday, Swizz was in his local County Court, waiting to lodge some papers to get an emergency hearing. The counter opened at 10.00 and Swizz was there bright and early at 09.58, to join the queue of miserable looking people.

The doors opened, Swizz was closest, so he stepped through and held the door open for the attractive young thing that was first in the queue.

Big fat man behind her said in a very gruff and sinister voice 'Oi you *******, theres a *****ing queue, and *****'s like you don't ******ing help jumping it, you ******.'

Rather taken aback at the courseness of said fat gits language, Swizz squared up and offered him outside.

Oh no, sorry, that was the story in the pub later, Swizz apologised and smiled as he held the door open (a bit wider than necessary) for the fat git to squeeze through.

Fat git stepped up tp the counter, and, shocked Swizz to the core.

'I am on day release from prison and have to present myself 'ere tomorrow for something or other, but I am 'ere today and it seems like a waste of f***ing time to come back tomorrow'

At that point his mobile rang, he said 'Nah, see ya down the pub in five' and hung up.

Is this really the state of the prison system nowadays, to let crims out for the day, with mobiles, and money to spend down the pub?

Bloody crims don't even need to escape anymore. They just get allowed out for the day to get some Xmas shopping and meet their mates down the pub. And be rude to Swizz. That fat git needed stringing up for that.