Sunday, 20 December 2009

If you don't know now, you never will

Swiss is shocked.

All lessons have been done. All ticked off the giant calendar in the hall, smiley faces on the chart on the fridge, and there is no more to learn in either Criminal stuff, or civil stuff, or any other type of stuff stuff.

Can that be right? Does Swiss possess the entire field of knowledge required to be a Barrister?

Looking back over the last two years of turning up at CofL, playing in the sand pit, doing potato paintings, basket weaving, raffia work, dot the dot and colouring in, all to the required standard set by those chaps at the Bar Council, is this really it?

Is Swiss now able to stand up and defend a guilty scumbag and mitigate his sentence? Slim chance if the teachers comments are anything to go by. 'Yeah, that was all OK Swiss, but you forgot to mention the sentence.'

Your default injunction was good, but you got the claimant and defendant mixed up.

Your cross examination was good until you burst into tears.

Your opinion was good, but completely wrong.

Your non leading questions were good, but were leading.

Your particulars of claim were good but you forgot to mention the case once.

Is Swiss really able to do anything in real life?

Buggered if Swiss would ever instruct a Barrister if this is what they get taught.

Shocking, thats what it is.


barmaid said...

Haven't you twigged yet Swizz?

All we need to learn is 2 words - "it depends". No matter what legal conumdrums are thrown at us, stick to those 2 words and you'll be just fine.

Swiss Tony said...

Bah, you BPP types with your fancy words.

We use 2 words, and it has taken me all this time to learn to get it right.

'Don't know'

We spent a whole weekend perfecting the shrug that goes with it.


Bar-barella said...

Nooooooo you can't be all done?! Why should I have to suffer alone? Please do not leave blogosphere without bestowing BVC gems on the rest of us newbies!

Col teaches a shrug? Have I missed that session?