Wednesday, 24 February 2010

Lead poisoning

Swiss is shocked.

He has been busily revising for the forthcoming funny weekend ahead, which CofL has decreed will be MCT weekend. Swiss tried working out what MCT stood for, and the best he managed in his dyslexic state was Maths times tables. Unfortunately for Swiss, he does suffer from Dyslexia from time to time, but following extensive research and medical examination it has been blamed on drinking too much beer. In all fairness to the doctor that suggested he lay off the alcohol consumption, or at least try and keep it within single figures, he had a job to do and was trying his best. When they manage to remove the stethoscope from his backside and he returns to work, I am sure things will blow over and Swiss will be let off bail.

Anyway, the shocking news is that in the instructions for the MCT test, (can you call it a multiple choice test test?) it says that answers are given by drawing a line through the answer by pencil. Bit like selecting National Lottery numbers really.

Following on from the previous post about global warming and killing polar bears, Swiss thinks he is now suffering from lead poisoning. he has been sucking the end of pencil in concentration so much (it hasn't helped) that his tongue has gone blue and his eyes are bulging.

As if the looming weekend wasn't certain to be a disaster all on its own by virtue of the fact that Swiss can't answer a single bloody question anyway, the poisoning is having some pretty calamatous consequences. And to make matters even worser than what they were, Swiss has been banned from the local hospital, and therefore is unable to get his lead poisoning diagnosed. If anyone knows the side effects of this illness, does it reveal itself by uncontrollable wind?

It may just be Swiss's natural state (although in all honesty there isn't much thats natural about his wind), being shut in an exam room for hour after hour of pencil licking concentration, with no windows open and the uncontrollable farting, it seems likely that something will have to give. Last time this happened, the smog that was hanging over the room was described as being like a right pea souper.Therefore, Swiss IS shocked. He is running the risk of being banned from CofL too, of not being able to answer any questions, or collapsing through lead poisoning and if his eyes bulge any further they will pop out, which judging by what happened last time he did that to impress Amanda (her with the fluffy pencil case and all), all hell will break loose this weekend.

Swiss hasn't even got to the exam, and its not looking good already.



Android said...

Good luck for your MCT :) I'm sure you'll get like 99%!

Asp said...

MCT stands for "Multiple Guess Test". I think the acronym creator got it wrong.

Basically, as far as I can remember, the test is to create a pretty pattern with all of your pencil lines. If you can make a flamingo (whilst only selecting one answer per question), you get a distinction.

Good luck with it :)

PS - the captcha word is "kingsfo". I don't know if it's telling the royalty or a University college to go away.

barmaid said...

Good luck Swizzle, you'll be fine, exhausted, but fine;-)

Swiss Tony said...

Andropv, Asp and BM, thanks a lot. I have only today been given some hot top tips for this pub quiz.

A - Carry a spare hanky
B - Wear wellie boots.
C - Stop licking the pencil. Its Graphite!
D - Drink plenty of Yakult to stop the wind.

I feel so much better about my chances already.


監控 said...


Anonymous said...

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