Shaggy Dog Story

Swiss is shocked.

Law, Courts, Judges, clients, people and the whole darn legal system has done his head in. He can't take it no more and is done with it all

Earlier today, while sitting in Court listening to both parties arguing a point, he was struck by a thought that knocked him sideways and has undermined his whole being.

Family Law may have a slightly dodgy reputation for farcical lunacy and idiotic people, but this really took the biscuit.

Mr and Mrs Smith have separated after a difficult relationship. If you have ever watched that programme on the tv 'Its me or the dog', this was no pretend for the camera, five minutes of fame time, this was real life drama, and unfortunately for Mr Smith, it was the dog that won the competition. The divorce was well under way.

Mr Smith wanted to call his dog Smithy. Mrs Smith, who's maiden name was Jones wanted to call it Jonesy. (Probably after that famous butcher on Dads Army)

Mr Smith had filed his Position Statement in good time, suggesting the name Smithy and backing up his pretty powerful argument with 20 darn fine points which would take some beating. Mr Smith looked confident, assured and cocky.

Mrs Smith had failed to provide her Statement until just before the hearing, a point which failed to win support from the Judge, Mr Woof. Her statement listed but two arguments, but to be fair to Mrs Smith, they were strong arguments and she was blonde and had a short skirt, so it was looking in her favour, and Mr Smith was fuming, obviously wishing he had worn a shorter skirt, and that Judge Woof would stop eyeing up his wife/ex-wife quite so much.

So the scene was set for the big showdown. Swiss sat at the back to watch proceedings, and lets be fair to Swiss, his professionalism had taken over and he was not being swayed by the short skirt or general blondness of young Mrs Smith. (Oh yeah!)

So it was proposed that the dog be called Smithy. It was proposed that it was called Jonesy. The Judge was clearly struggling to think this one through. It was clear that the arguments weighed heavily on his mind. He suggested a compromise. Neither party was prepared to budge. Gunfight at the OK Coral.

The Judge suggested Sminsy. No, rejected.

He suggested Jonithy. Rejected.

The 30 minute hearing stretched into eternity. Four bloody hours! Four bloody hours for arguments to be batted backwards and forwards like a game of tennis. All compromises rejected. All of the Learned Judges suggestions rejected. Neither party was going to back down.

Finally, the Judge said he will pass Judgment. Listen in people, because Judge Woof is about to make a decision.

The dog will henceforth be known as Winston.
Thats settled then, but Swiss has decided that law is not the exciting and interesting job he thought. He is dissapointed that all those years of studying, attending classes, doing homework and writing stuff and nonsense has come to this. Shocking, thats what it is, shocking.

Swiss is settling for his mobile shoe shine business and law can go and take a hike. There has to be more to life that this rubbish.

Swizzle