Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Carbon emissions

Swiss is shocked.

When he travels by train, which is quite a bit actually because its good for reading and revising, and listening to other peoples conversations, he always checks on the Railway Companies website for times. He knows that if he runs like a looney he can get to the platform from his house in 5 minutes. If he runs normally it is only 2 minutes, but seeing as he walks like a looney, writes like one and speaks like one, running like one seems to follow the general theme.

Anyway, checking the times this very morning, and he noticed a button for Carbon Emissions. WTF?

Although Swiss thought the idiocy and stupidity of global warming had died a death, it hasn't yet. The snow outside is all part of it and its definitely warming up outside. Its almost Mediteranian.

It appears that if he drives to his destination which is the other side of a polluted smoke filled dirty city, he will use 15.7Kg of carbon. If he goes by train, changes to the tube, and gets a further train, he will only use 3.5Kg. If he goes by coach it will only be 1.5Kg.

It begs the question again, WTF?

So Swisses car, which the train company know nothing about is going to kill more Polar Bears than going by a dirty train? Hey, hang on, there is a further button to modify the settings according to the make and model of car. If he goes by Ferrarri it will be 5 Polar Bears, but by his snazzy zippy electric car it will be 2 seals and a penguin.

Having adjusted the settings for optimal performance/CO emissions and seeking negative carbon footprinting, Swiss is travelling by Boeing 747 and if any Polar Bears live between Swiss Towers and Watford Junction, sorry mate.


barmaid said...

You have me and Hercules very worried. Whatever will the carbon footprint police make of Hercules' turbo booster (aka a big loud fart). Why he must melt an ice cap with each and every blast.

Don't tell me I shall have to resort to using Shanks' pony for my trips to skool. Poor Hercules did enjoy his little outings to Lincoln's Inn and the rose garden has never looked so blooming lovely since he took it upon himself to fertilise the soil whilst grazing.

J.M.Macelroy said...

I must admit the figures the train company give are a little optimistic, giving that they require the train to be full in all occasions to offset for each person. Now the term global warming really bugs me, to the very depths of my soul, I fail to see any evidence of this anywhere. Now don’t get me wrong, I do believe in climate change, this being a totally different topic in my humble opinion (being that the earth has never had a constant recurring temp in the first place, with massive variations in temp over short periods). Although, after all of the above being said, I wish I could take the train, as would save me a fortune on the bloody car. Whinge over, like the blog btw.

Swiss Tony said...

BM, until the greenarmy decide to check animals for carbon hoofprints, you should be OK letting Hercules dine on the roses at Lincolns Inn, although (don't tell Minxy) the roses at Inner Temple are superior in flavour and texture.

JMM, blimey, we don't do sensible posts round here. I did hear on the BBC weather that weather happens everyday, but Climate Change happens over 30 years. The Edjit had gone to Lands End by Helicopter to tell us that.

I do miss global warming, but I guess that fallacy is untenable with all the cold weather we get.

Swiss eventually decided to go by train, and was pleased to see he was alone. Not even a driver. So the calculation of 3.5kg should be multiplied by the missing number of other passengers, which totals a right royal blanket of poison which has melted both poles. No wonder it is raining today. We still have a hosepipe ban, so all is well.

Come again JMM, nice final comment, and with final comments like that you are welcome to be sensible whenever you like.


J.M.Macelroy said...

Oh sorry Swiss, from now on I will do my best to be nowhere near the topic issue, in fact I will be gently orbiting the planet. Along with my hopes of every becoming a barrister. ha ha

J.M.Macelroy said...

Damn, that proves it cant even check my own work. ha ha

Swiss Tony said...

JMM, if you don't become a Barrister, you could almost write a book on Fly Fishing. (I said the dyslexia is a problem)

I feel torn between two posts(?) Is that the right saying? On the one hand, as you are an aspiring Bar candidate, I would love to help you through the struggle, guide your every step, give advice and encouragement, but on the other hand, I wonder if you could help me through the struggle, guide my every step, and give advice and encouragement?

If you are going to accept help from anyone, Swiss Tony is not the best bet. Honest. If you have read any of this blog, you will know that anyway.

But I am impressed. Impressed that you have a posh sounding name and that you don't check your typink before you poste it. you will go far young man/lady.

Keep visiting. Swiss has hardly any friends left now, and if he can make a new one, even if he/she has a posh name, he will have done well.