Monday, 10 August 2009

Chambers are missing a trick

There currently seems to be a bit of a backlash against the Pupillage system flowing through various blogs and friends I speak to. (OK, I don't have any friends but if I did they would tell me how bad it all is)

For my part, I am bemused by it all. It has been hammered into my head, time and time again, that I am not to make the sacred ground of Barristership. All the signs were there, and all were ignored in search of something to be able to look back on life and say I made it to the top.

Nevertheless, I am as happy as a pig in shit and therefore not beaten down or upset by it all.

I will continue to make applications, because it seems like a bit of a game, but to be honest, when far more worthy individuals than good old Swiss are being turned down, there is little hope left.


Earlier today, I was in Court. I was helping a poor unfortunate that needed me to hold their hand. I enjoy doing it, because it helps them. They are scared and frightened to go to Court, but are left with no choice.

Today, maybe for the first time, I felt the deepest loathing and hatred of their opponent. I wanted to stab their eyes out with a rusty nail. As for their Solicitor, rusty nails were too good for them. And it struck me, the Bus Stop Rule is one hell of a good reason to not want to be a Barrister. If I am helping someone, and they rub me up the wrong way, I can walk away, adios tosser, do it yourself because Swiss is pissed off with you. That freedom is worth a lot, especially when you see opposition like today. I have seen many a client that I could never in a month of Sundays assist. Presumably I would be disbarred if I had them as a client and had poked their eyes out with a rusty nail. If it ever happens, Swiss will let you all know.


Anyway, to the point of my post. Last week I asked the very bright and capable Andropov of fame to do a little job for me. (I should point out that she did once tell me how to put links in posts, but sorry Andropov, I wasn't listening properly)

You will now notice at the top of my Blog that my little award from Minxy is displayed like a poster on a little boys bedroom wall. I just had to have it there to show off, and remind me of my place. Contender for awards, but not giver of awards. Hence the picture for this post. It isn't as far as I know Andropov, although I hear she is a bit of a looker, but it is typical of posters that boys had on their bedroom walls when Swiss were a lad.

Andropov set up this blog, in exactly the design I wanted. No fuss, no bother, no flowers or nothing. She just did the job, smiled, and got on with things. She has also designed the incredibly clever site for Minxy (Andropov, I will listen if you tell me again how to do it, but don't tell me in HTML code like last time. Simple step by step guide in English will be best. Write it slowly, you know I can't read fast)

Admittedly, Minxy's blog has more bells and whistles than Swiss's, but she obviously learnt a lot doing this blog before embarking on her pride of place Blog.

So, Chambers are missing a trick. Come on Swiss you old fart, get on with the story. (Its like listening to Ronnie Corbet at times) Some of the websites are atrocious. Awful sites. What they need to do is give Andropov a Pupillage on the condition that she redesigns their site for them.

Thanks Andropov, you have my never ending thanks for setting up the blog, and keeping it running like a well oiled machine. Don't forget to let me know when you visit old smokey London and I will treat you to dinner at Inner. Forget Minx's tedious comments about their baked potatoes. She joined the wrong Inn and is just trying to make herself feel better about it.



Android said...

Thanks for the mention :))

Law Minx said...

Hi Swizzle,

I think you have the most wonderful attitdude to the pursuit of the golden snitch - reading this makes me wish I wasnt such an old harridian at times!
Having said that, I dont really believe theres a backlash going on at the mo ( though if it is, its probably my fault and I therefore apologise), rather just a general expression of sadness and general frustration - the whole experience is like being kettled through a glass ceilng!!

Cab Rrank, frustrating as it is, is the very reason we practice as barristers; we are hired guns, there to place the objective argument in a manner that withstands testing and is found to be plausible. I can quite understand the emotive frustration ( defending a paedophile with form, or a drunk driver who has no insurance or tax and has just run over a family, for example sounds and doubtlessly is horrendous) but people are owed a fair hearing no matter what. I know this sounds naive - feel free to throw that hideous microwave spud at me- but I think If we dont cling to notions like the presumption of innocence or the right to a fair hearing, we will all go quietly around the bend.

Andro is indeed a star, a true goddess of the ether! I think I must have been an incredibly fussy and difficult client, but she undertook the design of my blog with patience and considerable good grace.

I do hope I havent upset you in giving you the web award; at its heart was a desire to pay a sincere compliment, specifically, thank you for doing such a wonderful job of blogging when you have such a lot on your plate! It takes discipline and organisation to blog and blog consistently, so as far as I'm concerned you are totally up there in the Legal Ether.

As to my Inn, well thats a far distant memory, a place I am likely to have little to do with again.

I concede. Inners Spuds are probably the superior spud of choice.

Swiss Tony said...

Minxy, what clearer indication can there be than me being a total idiot and unable to grasp the fundamentals of being a barrister. Cab Rank, not Bus Stop!!! Blimey, how embarrassed do i feel now! of course Barristers don't do buses with ordinary people, taxi everywhere and ride in comfort.

i am so pleased with my award. like Bar Boy I only ever managed to get a 25 metre swimming certificate, so the award takes pride of place. hence its prominant position.

I don't know what being kettled is like, probably some welsh euphemism for something, but forget the glass ceiling, mirrors everytime for me.

I am with you on the fair hearing stuff, and I can accept the principle, especially seeing as it has been rammed home to me time and time again that you cannot judge your client, but if you had seen the abject lies and rubbish being thrown my clients way with little chance to defend against it all, and even if they could, mud slung sticks in awkward places, it got my goat today. As a client said to me a couple of weeks ago, it takes one step to throw mud, but many steps to clean it off.

Give me a drugs bust, drunk driver and a Great train Robber, and I would get on better with them than most of the opposition I came across. Wild allegations of fanciful proportions, all supported by legal Aid, delaying a fair conclusion for about 6 months to a year, by which time too much damage has been done.

Oh well.

Andro, credit where credits due, you are very clever.


barmaid said...

I think 'bus stop' rule is quite appropriate given the cut backs in the legal aid system. Cabs are a luxury no longer affordable to members of the Bar.

But Swizzle, I should point out that 'fair hearing stuff' doesn't mean a blonde bit of totty with nice ears.

Anonymous said...

I thought you were using bust stop rule in an ironic and humerous way, in your normal witty tounge and cheek manner. But then it might have been, and it could be your fess up is additional brillaint faux-self-deprication!

I imagine you have your friends in STICHES in real life. If this wigging lark doesnt work out you shold seriously think about a career in stand up!!!

... said...

Hello Swiss - Since you so kindly paid my new little blog a visit, I thought it would be nice to check out your blog and see what you get up to. I have to say I love your style. Your post made me feel a little more care free and less stressed about the under-achieving pupillage-less person that i have become. I would put you on my "blogroll' if I knew how. I will when I do. Nice post. Catch you soon


Swiss Tony said...

BM, I have gone right off Fair hearings then. Although, if I am being brutally honest, the Court clerk yesterday was blonde and i found her to be very distracting. Most of them seem to fall asleep, or sit there reading Hello Magazine, but this one kept winking at me and smiling. I think she had something in her eye, and wind.

LG, if only I was clever enough to do a double crossed back handed faux pas and get away with it. Most people that I come across are convinced I am a comic genius the way i get everything jumbled up. Those that know me have already confirmed for themselves that I am just a pillock.

Templar, I noticed your Blog hanging on the side of BarMaid. I thought you might look good hanging on my side, so I linked yer. If you need to know how to link back, do what I did. Ask Andropov. Unless of course she only helps me and Minxy. She is kind to me in the way you would be kind to a small child that was not only stupid, but also a bit of a pillock. I guess she is kind to Minxy because nobody would dare not to be.

As for the PP and Chambers and all that Jazz, stuff 'em. Plenty of jobs down the job centre now that the Poles are going back to a proper country.


Law Minx said...


Am I THAT scary?!?!

**waaaaaaaah!!!!!* :((

(Ps: I think Andro's building Lost a new look, from what I've seen of the comments on her blog, but dont quote me!)

Anonymous said...

Bus stop rule really must be one of the most versatile of rules out there! Really like the blog swiss, just stumbled upon it a little earlier and shall definitely be returning.

barboy said...

In case anyone was wondering, I confirm that Swiss is, indeed, a pillock. Plus, he blubs like a little girl when threatened with a dead arm.