Monday, 27 July 2009

The votes are in!


Swiss has been getting on with his stuff, working hard, doing his homework for school, and little did he know that his efforts have been rewarded in a way never dreamt of.

Assessments will mean nothing in future. Aspirations of getting a pass in at least one subject is no longer his goal.

He has been watched. He has been assessed. He has been found to be the best at something.

Last time this happened, he was still living with Mater and Pater. He was mollycoddled and cared for like never before, or since in his life. Anything he wanted was handed to him on a plate, which goes some way to describing the size of the fat git. Pater would work in the city in order to provide more and more for Swiss. Mater would cook and clean and tidy up behind him. Life was bliss.

And then one day, it all went pear shaped. Some people say that Swiss is over sensitive and can't take criticism, and that all stemmed from an incident when Pater arrived home from the office to discover Swiss rifling through the kitchen drawer, where he discovered his adoption papers.

At this point, I bet you are all suspecting that little Swiss was sat down and told how mater and pater has chosen him because he was the best. How that made him special. How he was loved.

Actually, the papers simply showed that they had put him up for adoption, as in the words of papa, 'you are a right bloody pest Swiss'

It was years before he recovered. Before he realised that when dear old pater said pest, he hadn't said best. Until he realised that when he said pest, he really meant %^$£*&^$%.

As he types this tale of woe, even now, tears are welling up for dear old Swiss. Life can be cruel.

And then, BAM, life becomes sweet once again. Troubles are lifted from tired old shoulders, and he can walk with a sping in his step.

He has been recognised as a winner. No longer the loser in life. No longer the fumble fingered idiot that cant speak to girls. No longer the stammer. No longer the nervous tick.

Swiss is a winner.
And the prize? The prize of his life? The pinnacle of achievement?

The Mostly Blonde Charges Award for Expert Colouring in Without EVER Going over the Edges(EVER) Award

And all it took, was some of these:
And a few of these:

Nominated by some of these:
Swiss is a happy man



Law Minx said...

My DEAR Swiss!

What a rollockingly FINE post!! (You do make me smile y'know - and smiles is wot we all need at this time of the year!)

You may rest safe in the knowledge that the Mostly Blonde Charges have NOTHING but your best interests at heart, and, even as we SPEAK, they are standing by with the Fragranced Massage oil in lieu of a Bedbath, being intent upon your person for the purposes of alternative therapies in all senses of the words.

(Seriously though, thanks for doing a lovely job of blogging - hence the award!!)

barmaid said...

But will you still be happy when those naughty nurses have 'administered' whatever it is they are brandishing in their hands? Ooh er Matron, it all looks a bit too painful for me:-)

Law Minx said...

( Those look like cow insemination syringes to me, Y'know)

Swiss Tony said...

Girls, I am not sure what the syringes were intended for, but they bought tears to my eyes.

Yesterday I bought a bumper book of Dot-the dot and colouring in, so I will be really busy practicing for when school goes back next month.

Forget MCT, and opinions, I have a pretty picture of a windmill to finish off.

If I really concentrate, I hope to win again next year. I would hate to be beaten by Barboy, or some other wuzz.