Thursday, 28 October 2010

Scholarship offer


Swiss is shocked.

So shocked in fact, that he can hardly contain himself.

Perusing T'internet, and more especially the very fine blog of Simon Myerson QC, he spotted something that gave him a wizard wheeze of an idea, which laid in Swisses emptyish head, became fueled by 5 pints of Doom Bar, (a real ale with Toffee overtones, although whilst Swiss thought that it might be like drinking a pint with a Curley Wurley in the bottom, after 5 pints all taste sensations had gone), but BINGO, the idea came to fruition.

SM QC had donated £300 to the Middle Temple(?) scholarship fund, and Swiss thought that he would do a similar thing, but create the Swiss Tony Scholarship for Mature Students.

Oh yes, what a wheeze.

Incidentally, last week, although hell hadn't frozen over, and no piggies had been seen flying anywhere, the impossible happened, Swiss was Called.

Ha ha, now its you thats shocked!

Anyway, Swiss listened intently at the ceremony as each person was called. The one in line in front of Swiss was called:

Tarquin Posonby, Bachelor of Law, Oxford University, Bachelor of Science, Cambridge, King Henry the Eighth Scholarship, Master of Law, Toronto University, Upper Class twat, Eton.

Then It was Swisses turn

Swiss Tony, GCSE Maths, (Grade C), Comprehensive School, Tufty Club member.

Swiss felt slightly flat.

Whilst being presented with a certificate, which to be honest was a cut above the CofL offering, and is now proudly hanging in the downstairs toilet at Swiss Towers, HRH Princess Anne winked at Swiss, raised an eyebrow and said 'Alright Swiss, howzit going?'

Swiss was a little puzzled because from what he saw throughout the ceremony, he was the only person that HRH high fived.

Anyway...

Following on from the scholarship idea, Swiss made enquiries, checked with the bank, made the funds available, composed a certificate for the winner of the scholarship, (And the lucky winner will be the proud owner of a REAL certificate with glitter and everything), and put the call through to the Treasurer of Inner Temple with his once in a life time offer of the scholarship fund.

Swiss is shocked.

Where did the Treasurer learn such words?

OK, so calling out Felicity Parker-Smythe, Swiss Tony Scholarship for old fags, each year might be a bit of a mouthful, but wash your mouth out sir with soap and water, that kind of language is reserved for Mummy Swiss when she has had too much to drink.

Swiss is shocked.

If anyone fancies applying for the fund, which is guaranteed to be a life changing scholarship of £25 (things are a bit tight at the moment), all enquiries via this blog.

5 comments:

barboy said...

Great post, somehow made even funnier by the typo in Ponsonby !

Barmaid said...

Why you little liar Swizz, you swore blind to me that you had a C- CSE in woodwork. Now I'm shocked!

Penn said...

Helo. I wood like to applie for da scholar ship. I have a lot of esperience and shelf stackin esperience (all sorts of esperience really, wotever you want- i can get). Basickly, I wont to becombe a barister, becoz my mom said that i wood be good at it and becoz i like the law and becoz my dad said that i wood be good at it becoz i like hats. i applied to the middle temple scholar ship and they sed no but that i shud try here. happy days?

Swiss Tony said...

BB, typo? He was a twat!

BM, I genuinely forgot my woodwork. Blast, I could have had that announced too.

Penn, what can I say. You clearly have the ability for a life at the Bar, and the scholarship is to encourage those with ability that are finding it hard to progress. I cannot understand why you have been turned down by Middle Temple, and I feel for you.

Your parents have clearly seen something in you that Middle didn't, so please don't feel discouraged by that unpleasant episode. Fortunately, Middle did send you here, and I can congratulate you in being shortlisted for the prize. Swiss is pleased to rely on your parents views, because lets face it, they know you best, and if they can't see your ability nobody else will.

Before the prizes are awarded, can you clarify whether your dad appreciated that Barristers wear wigs and not hats, and if you are a blonde female. There is a lot riding on the answer to those questions, so please take your time and think carefully.

Swiss

Law Minx said...

"the proud owner of a REAL certificate with glitter and everything"

My Dear Swizzles, I am relieved to see that your BVC endeavours may finally be put to good use! Is the glitter stuck on by hand, with the position of each individual sparkle AGONISED over, or is it simply slapped on with a glue pen?! Enquiring minds want to know!!