Thursday, 2 September 2010

The Annual Blog Conference 2010

Swiss is shocked.

Once again, the top bloggers across the globe have met to discuss the future of blogging, how to assist law students by providing better and more informative posts, how to solve global poverty, and the price of crisps. And not one of them told Swiss they were meeting.

At the Presidential Suite at Inner Temple, last Monday at 7pm, the conference kicked off with a champagne reception, with nibbles, and the participants were led into the dining room promptly at 8.00 to the sound of a big gong thing.

It was generally accepted that the dinner conversation was in the main polite and dignified, although Law Minx was seen to stand up and shout 'Whats this bloody microwave jacket potato all about then?' as she threw it with a remarkably skilful spinball that anyone in the Pakistan Cricket team would have been proud of, directly at the Head Chef, knocking his chefs hat off and into the soup course.

The second course of carrot and parsley soup was canceled, not just because of the chefs hat, but also because Barmaid had coaxed Hercules, her pride and joy of a full 25 hands and plated mane, to carry her in a rendition of Lady Godiva to the inner sanctum of Inner, where he promptly ate all the carrots. Parsley soup is naff, and so the meal proceeded to the main course of Beef Wellington.

Barboy, (why does he insist on wearing short trousers to these functions) cried at this point because everyone laughed when he asked for his meat to be cut up into smaller pieces.

Andropov, who admittedly by this stage was worse the wear for Vodka, tried to help out, as she is kind like that, but the knife slipped and cut one of Travis the Trouts pony tails off. Unfortunately it spoiled the look of her Princess Laie outfit, and only having one ponytail wrapped around an ear made her walk lopsided for the rest of the evening. She was OK turning left, but the toilets were in the wrong direction, and she was forced to walk all around the outside of the building in order to obtain relief.Michael, in a fit of laughing at Barboy, dropped his microphone which he had taken with him and seized the opportunity to interview the guest of honour, Mr Blobby. (The organisers have promised to not let Barboy book to guest next year)

Unilooney was seated between both girls that he has been dating, known as Stalin and Hitler. Both lookers in their own right, but the moustaches looked a bit out of place. Still, Unilooney was happy, and was seen to leave early in the direction of a local cheap hotel.

Pupilbean was deep in discussion with 50yearoldpupil, about the way the young people were being too loud, incontinence and pension rights. 50yearold had just returned from a SAGA coach trip to the Lake District, and later in the evening he professionally completed a slide presentation.

Following the meal, the conference commenced, with LegalyGinge chairing the meeting, with Barboy taking the minutes in crayon. (Yes, the ones he nicked from CofL)

Apologies were made for everyone that runs a proper blog who were too dignified to grace the event with their presence, and short video clip was played by Simon Myerson QC and Bar, who was in the middle of something important, but wished everyone well.

Attention turned to the Blog Awards, and a short introduction was made by Michael and Andropov (who by this time was even worse the wear for Vodka) and the nominations were read out.

It was at this stage, that Barboy explained that as it was past 8.30pm, he had to go home to bed as it was late, so no further minutes were taken and no further information is available, although interestingly, further documentary evidence has come into Swiss's possession by requesting disclosure from the Metropolitain Police, who broke up the ensuing fight which had spilled out into Fleet Street.

Apparently, LawMinx failed to retrieve her fur coat from the cloakroom, and was given a Barristers gown to wear. She was most upset because her fur coat was made out of the skins of 100 hedgehogs she had found at a farm near her house. It was known as Tiddeywinks Heddgehog Sanctuary, but how was she to know, as like a demon she collected them up in a sack for future use.

Hercules refused to allow BarMaid to stick her hand up his backside, again, and galloped across the Presidential Suite making for the door. Michael, being sensible and clever started to remark that she was too late trying to bolt the door after......, and BarMaid gave him a left hook.

Andropov jumped in with both feet first, catching Legally Ginge and Aimless Wanderer in a bear grip, which was only released when Andropov was thrown in the back of a Police van in handcuffs. All the newby Bloggers, of which some appeared, dissapeared, dont blog enough, and worry too much, looked on in amazement as LawMinx karate kicked Mr Blobby, falling to the floor in fits of giggles.

All were bailed the following morning, and are due to appear in Snaresbrook Magistrates Court next week.

It was accepted by all that this years conference was a roaring success, and plans are underway for next years event. Tickets available from Swiss for £450 a head. Cash only please, preferably in used notes.

Swiss is most upset, and yes, shocked, at being left out. He hates to miss seeing Barboy blubbing.

If anyone that deserves a mention hasn't been, Swiss will look into whats gone wrong. Mr Chang, you won't be getting any mention until you stop spamming my blog!

4 comments:

barmaid said...

50 yop, now there's a blast from the past - I guess he was sued under the trade description rules once he hit 51 and had his esteemed blawg title revoked.

Come to think of it, Legally Ginge has also been quiet of late...

AW said...

Why was Trouty the only one in costume? Who told her it was fancy dress...

travisthetrout said...

It is always fancy dress! :P

Michael said...

hehe.. that's great.. I've only just stumbled across this... God knows how I missed it! :-)

I'm pleased Mr Blobby didn't try and violate anyone with my microphone! :-\