Thursday, 26 August 2010

A rebuttable Presumption

Swiss is shocked.

He has been to a class reunion. Yes, another one, although a lot more planning went into the first event, at which Swiss became as drunk as a Lord Chief Justice and just about made it home without throwing up on the train. This was a bigger affair, with no alcohol. Only 2 of the class couldn’t make it, and their reason was, because they were too clever to mix with the rest of the class. How so? Read on!

There is a legal term known as a Rebuttable Presumption, which to be honest means nothing to Swiss, but it was in the Civil Litigation revision notes which wussie Bar Boy sent and it is in the Civil Litigation Manual, so it must mean something important.

There is a point to this. As far as Swiss in concerned, there is a presumption that anyone that writes a law blog is clever. Looking back, inspired by the likes of Law Minx, Andropov and Michael, and then being blown over by BarMaid and BarBoy, young Swiss felt it best to keep quiet about the flaws in his cleverness, and pretend he was cruising with the clever players. Nobody questioned his abilities, and the presumption that all bloggers are clever clogs rubbed off a bit on Swiss, albeit in his own mind, and he walked with an air of superiority, he pretended he understood hearsay, and was even known to offer legal advice to friends and relatives when they got caught by the Rozzers.

Alas, there is a rebutable part to the presumption, which is where you can show that the presumption is just plain wrong. Finding that all of his relatives are now serving time having relied on Swiss's legal advice, and that the course finished on a bit of a bum note, Swiss wondered if he could maybe slip into a post, in passing, with a flourish and an air of indifference, that a VC was on the cards just like all the other bloggers have, when to be honest Swiss was way off that mark.

Swiss should have known.

Daddy Swiss always looked with pity and an element of distress at Swiss and said that he was as thick as two short planks.

Mummy Swiss, being more eloquent, and knowing far more words than Daddy Swiss could ever hope to, said he was as thick as shit.

What is it with Civil Litigation then? What is it with the MCT's that is just plain unfair, horrible and utterly wrong? Multiple Choice Tests where none of the 4 suggested answers are right. Where sometimes all 4 answers were right. But you only have to pick ONE correct answer. What evil and nasty person thought up MCT's?

On the bright side, and Swiss tends to look for the bright side in all he does, BarMaid was her usual helpful and encouraging self. She managed to keep her patience when explaining for the 20th time that just because the Small Claims Court is called small it doesn't mean its a tiny building, and just because Bar Boy is a wuss it doesn't mean his revision notes are any the less effective. He very carefully had condensed the Civil Litigation manual, some 380 pages worth, compressed, squeezed out the fluff, kept the quality parts, explained and highlighted only what was important into 500 pages worth. It still meant nothing to Swiss, but it propped up his chair with the broken leg, and still does.

Bar Boys notes should be turned into a book. (Swiss almost wishes he had made his own notes but he was too busy partying and pretending he was clever) The Dummies Guide to Civil Litigation would be a winner.

CofL just held the resits. Swiss looks upon them not as a failure of prospective candidates for the Bar, but he realised that they were in reality a class reunion. 90% of the class turned up. High fives all round, cheers and exclamations of delight as we all appeared. Smiles all round, as Lord Hipwell would say. Party time. CofL had to hire the Albert Hall as they didn't have enough seats for all the resitting candidates. Thousands of students coming out of the woodwork, this years dummies, last years dummies, even some from BPP that just can’t cope with their higher demands. CofL doesn't insist on joined up writing.

And do you think that they would make a resit easier than the first time round, to assist people a bit, to get the thicko's through? Nah, bastards. Still vague questions with no answers that match.

The moral of the story, if you write a blog, you can pretend to be clever, but you will get caught out in the end. Swiss has been revealed in all his stupidity, but as his dear old mother would say ‘Who gives a shit’


barmaid said...


Michael said...

err, yes. :-\

You seem easily shock-able swizz... I'd go to the doctor and see if he can prescribe you something. I'm on broad spectrum placebos for my nerves and they're working a treat! ;-)

barboy said...

My distillation of everything you need to know into just one page will, forever, be unmatched, as will my addition of 499 pages of mindmaps in purple crayon. There has been a bidding war for the publication rights and Wildys are refurbishing in anticipation of publication of the first edition. Dame Heather "Hottie" Hatton is writing the foreword, having been gone all weak knee-d at my strategic analysis of Part 36 offers using nothing but potato printing and the deluxe selection of felt tips that my nan gave me for Xmas.

Swiss Tony said...


Swiss has a habit of putting batteries to his tongue, hence his continual state of being shocked. He says he does it for his nerves, but I don't think it is working. He is a fruitloop.

Barboy, the purple crayon was one you nicked from the class crayon tray at CofL, and they are out to get you. I think you will find that potato printing is something that CofL has a copyright on too.

You are in big trouble. Once the class has worked out what you have done, and thumbing through Blackstones hasn't come up with anything yet, they will Sue.

I am missing a decent response from Chang, who owns the local takeaway. I am sure he will be along in a minute to add something worthwhile.


Android said...

Swiss, that's why most of us keep our blog anonymous, so that we'll never get caught out! ;D

AW said...

:-) I went to the CofL 2008/09 and had to postpone some of my exams to August. I was shocked at the number of people in attendance...

p.s. Goodluck!