Monday, 24 May 2010

Suits you sir!

Swiss is shocked.

He was due to spend an evening in fine surroundings and amongst the brightest people in the land (No, it wasn't another one of Law Minx's Tupperware parties) and to his shock and horror, he found that his suit was just not up to scratch, and some desperate action was necessary to avert public humiliation and embarrassment.

However he tried, and whichever angle he peeked through his fingers at the mirror, this suit was past its best. Only one thing for it decided Swiss, a new suit was needed.

So off to the shops with a crisp five pound note in his hand ready to find something suitable. He arrived at the shop from whence he was certain that a purchase would not only be smart, but also would last long enough to see him through any pupillage interview that in this mixed up crazy world he may be offered.

So a suitable suit was selected, something that looked appropriately Barristerish, very dark with wide pinstripes and braces, topped off with a bow tie, and so Swiss approached the changing rooms.

He slid into the cubicle, changed into the suit, and decided to go out front to check his dashing good looks and magnificence in the mirror. Ah, join the queue apparently. So behind 4 men, looking slightly silly in smart suits, a T-shirt underneath and no shoes on. Shuffle forward and admire himself in the mirror.

At this point, Mother Swiss who was accompanying young Swiss to the shops piped up, 'You look a right tit Swiss me old mucker' Swiss felt a little embarrassed, and wondered why he wasn't being accompanied by a tasty blonde in a mini skirt like the bloke behind him in the queue. Swiss smiled at the blonde and pretended that Mother Swiss was with someone else. Unfortunately, Mother Swiss leant forward, grabbed the loose material around his backside and said 'Swiss, you look like you have shat yourself'

No pretending now, Swiss had to face up to the humiliation and find a way to redeem himself in front of the tasty blonde.

'I do believe that the trousers are a little on the large size young man, Swiss said to the shop assistant who was twittering all about it. Mother Swiss piped in again 'Swiss you twat, what size is the jacket'

Young man smiled at the further embarrassment and threw in 'Its a 38 large'

Swiss was shocked. Genuinely, how on earth did the young spotty youth know the size of his suit jacket. Thats incredible. Swiss turned to the youth, 'I say, thats rather clever of you, you must be highly experienced and expert at judging these thing sir'

'No, you have the label hanging out the back of the jacket'

Swiss was mortified. Young man went back to twittering, and Mother Swiss let out a fart and went off to look at other styles.

So the next time you see Swiss in a suit, you will understand why he looks like he has shat himself, why the jacket is too small, why the bow tie is red (to hide the embarasment) and why he has no shoes on.

To his credit though, he looks pretty darn smart, dashing, accomplished, and one of the in crowd. Some may say that a silver suit is a little OTT, but Swiss is convinced that he can set a new trend amongst the finest chambers that this fair land has to offer.

Nobody can say that Primark don't stock good suits nowadays. And the change out of the fiver came in handy for the bus fare home.

Unfortunately, and the sad ending to this tale, is that Bar Boy upon seeing him across Inner Temple Dining Hall called out for all to hear:

'You look a right tit Swiss me old mucker'

Swiss is shocked!

14 comments:

barmaid said...

Braces eh! Very barristerial. Just please don't buy a pink shirt, don't what it is, but I just don't like em on blokes.

Law Minx said...

er..... are you REALLY going to wear a bow tie, swizzles?. I'm told that it carries a certain, well,connotation among more senior members of the bar......!!
( PS: What on EARTH is WRONG with my tupperware parties?!? Isnt the microwaved potato to your liking?!?!?)

Swiss Tony said...

BM, Damn. I didn't buy a pink shirt, honest I never did, but dear old Mummy Swiss washed my new white shirt in with my red bow tie and red pants, and its a pinky sort of tie and die effect, which I think looks quite impressive.

Reading on the web various stories about the face of Jesus appearing in unusual places, I have had quite a scoop with the tie and die patterns on the shirt.

If I ever do get an interview, I will remove my jacket and show them the faces of the chuckle brothers emblazoned across the back.

Minxy, the bow tie is essential now because it matches the shirt! Very colour co-ordinated now.

Your Tupperware party was an excellent evening, full of delightful nibbles, too much wine and lots of plastic containers.

There may be a claim for misrepresentation as you promoted it as something entirely different which if I mentioned on here I would blush as pink as my shirt, but seeing as law was never my strongest point, and all homework I have ever been set has been completed between you and BM, my chances of suing you are quite slim.

Swizzle

barboy said...

BM, fraid to say all of Swizzle's shirts are pink, except for the brownish bits on the front which are gravy stains. And as if the bow ties weren't bad enough, he fails to colour co-ordinate them properly with his disarmingly large array of man bags.

Law Minx said...

I have visions of the Bow Tie not only spinning, but flashing the legend " Give Me A Pupillage" at call.....!!

J.M.Macelroy said...

Ah Swiss, you do seem to live in the permanent state of shock, one is tempted to prescribe a rest in a nice clean white room for a substantial duration. Although on the selection of a bow tie, I see that clearly you are 100% sane, as everyone knows that they are the height of fashion at the moment (don't they?). If it is ever my time to find pupillage then I might go the whole hog and wear a nice salmon pink suit with dark blue pinstripe shirt. Might throw them off a little and confuse them into offering me a spot in their establishment. Well It might work!

柏勳 said...

Better late than never...................................................

玉鳳玉鳳 said...

死亡是悲哀的,但活得不快樂更悲哀。...........................................................................

tgibson said...

你所貫徹的形象,你喜愛它有多少百分比,你就幸福多少百分比........................................

SadeRa盈君iford0412 said...

Where did you purchase this product?.................................................................

彥霖 said...

感謝您費心的分享您的生活!讓我也感同身受!

怡君 said...

人不能像動物一樣活著,而應該追求知識和美德....................................................................

思翰思翰 said...

成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。.................................................................

堅強堅強 said...

It takes all kinds to make a world.............................................................