Wednesday, 11 February 2009

My Dad. What a guy!


Having spent ages working on my 100 word persuasive argument, in steps my dad with the perfect solution.

You have to admire my dad. He only ever had one pair of shoes which had no soles when he was at school, and only ever had an orange and a penny for Christmas, had never seen bananas until he was 12, was evacuated in the war to a coal mine where he did 12 hour shifts, and was beaten black and blue every night by his big brother, yet he is the happiest person to ever walk the earth. His toothless grin brightens any room.

I know all that sounds a bit Monty Python, but I know its true, because he is my dad and would never fib to me.

During the war he was on a midget submarine with his mate, Chalky White, and they blew up the Bismark all on their own. He also captured Hitler, but had to let him go when he was given a new mission to go and find Churchills laptop which had been left on the train. He found Lord Lucan living in Wolverhampton. He taught Bobby Moore how to play football. He has even been to the moon, but isn't allowed to talk about it. He has done loads of things and is very brave and very very clever.

He taught me all the essential things in life too, like how to make a pair of socks last a week, how to drip gravy down my shirt, how to swear to good effect and how to impress the ladies.

Now, to my eternal thanks, he has solved the 100 word riddle. Emailed to me last night and given a higher priority to him than the Soduku he has been working on since last April, he is rightly proud of his work, and I am too.

So to anyone even thinking of applying to this set of Chambers, give up, go home, save your energy, Swiss Tony is there, first place, winner, top place, because his dad has saved his sorry arse yet again.

***** God Does have a sense of humour *****

Consider God’s creation and things he has given us.

Tsunamis, eathquakes, forest fires, and volcanoes, floods and disease.

Nothing funny about those is there? So would you say that God have no sense of humour?

Wait a minute, what about ducks. Have you ever seen a miserable duck? Never. Always a smile. Listen to their laugh, is it a bare ha ha ha, or a real hearty, quack quack quack.

And just when you think they may be rather cute after all they upturn and show you their arse.

Now believe me when I say that God had a sense of humour.


Thanks Dad, you are the bestest.

Swizz

4 comments:

barmaid said...

Reminds me of a war story my mum told me. She had a friend, who when given a banana, peeled it, nibbled around the sides of it and left a core in the middle.

loo said...

I wish you luck with that one! My dad's story is about sharing a single sausage for sunday roast and eating the mouse droppings in the cornflakes for added nutrition. All true I'm sure. He also went to school wearing a coal sack with the corners cut out for armholes. Allegedly. His dad did drive a tank in the war though, but I don't think he ever met Hitler.

Law Minx said...

My Dear Swizz,

Dads are, in general, pretty fantastic things; my own dad is a strapping former Royal Marine who, not so long ago, burst into tears when the family cat had to be put to sleep!

Is the picture really your own dear Pater?!

Swiss Tony said...

Minxy, yes, the picture is really him. He was pleased because he felt that I had captured his best side and that the picture demonstrated his warmth and loving personality.

He was slightly peeved that I hadn't given him time to put his teeth in, but on the whole, he is such a cheery soul that he finds it difficult to get cross with me. (I don't remember him being quite that cheery when I was a lad though!)

Swizz

ps I did get an email from the old duffer which said 'You wait until I get my hands on you, you cheeky sod'