Tuesday, 29 September 2009

I Submit

When Swiss was a young lad, he often said 'I submit' Usually it was because his older brother was sitting on his face and farting, or had him pinned down and was kneeing him in the ribs. It was enough to make his eyes well up and scream for Mater.

No longer will Mater come and assist. (Swiss always admired the way she would throw a headlock on big brother and fart in his face to teach him to take a more refined approach to brotherly love)

Now Swiss is on his own with submissions, submitting and anything else that involves trying to swing the Judge round to his point of view.

So, last lesson, Swiss is making a submission. He is unsure if he is making the right point, unsure if he has the right client, a little unclear if he is even in the right class because all the other children appear to be looking at him in a strange way.

Something is not right, yet Swiss can't quite put his finger on it.

But Swiss knows he must soldier on. he ignores the little giggles, the looks, the girlies whispering to each other and sniggering. He soldiers on regardless.

The Judge is trying not to smile. What is it. What has Swiss done wrong. he is submitting his little heart out, and all he gets is giggles.

Swiss self conciously checks his flies. He checks his papers. He looks down to check he hasn't spilt anything down his shirt.

This is not nice.

What has he done?

At the end of the submission, the Judge congratulates him on his fine delivery, attention to detail and use of the appropriate law. The girlies are still giggling.

He checks his flies again.


Damn the new milk monitor at College of Law.


Alan Plawtridge said...


I love how your flies are the first thing you check. And the only thing you double check!

Perfectly warranted. Fly-embarrassment is hard to top.

Anonymous said...

Was prob nowt to do with you. We had 2 that used to whisper, write notes and giggle to each other throught every class. Needless to say one scraped a competent after several resits and the other is awaiting third and final attempts.

Do what your doing Swizz, the tutors feedback is all that counts

Swiss Tony said...

Big Al, Aaahhaaaaaaaaa, glad you liked the tale of a typical CofL lesson.

Ginge, I must admit to making up part of the story. I did embellish a teensy bit. The judge didn't say any of those things at all. She said 'Swiss, thank you, NEXT'

The rest of the sorry tale is true. Honest. You can trust me, I am a Barrister in training and have a duty to not mislead my readers.


barmaid said...

Neh mind Swizzle, it was your moustache flapping in the wind that made em giggle as you uttered 'Peter Pappleworth paused ponderously before packing his powerful punch' - I have the same trouble with my moustache sometimes.

Anonymous said...


Perhaps you should email your tutor for feedback - if there is something wrong its remiss of her not to let you address it - that is the whole point of advocacy classes!