Draughting

Draughting is easy peasy lemon squeazy. Admittedly I have done it for nigh on 30 years, so should be good at it by now (or out of work) but come on, it comes naturally.

I can sketch, draw to the finest quality on the back of fag packets (Actually I tried that once but the box is shiney and the pen wouldn't work properly), napkins (they fall apart and are naff to draught on), the finest parchment, cartridge paper, graph paper, plain paper, linen, tracing paper and even in the sand. I have drawn at A4, A3, A1, A0, even Double Elephant (Don't ask because I don't know). When I draw on computer (everyone does don't you know) I draw in infinity. Wow, Buzz Lightyear eat your heart out.

I have drawn sitting down, standing up, on my head, even in the Southern Hemisphere! And Wales too come to that! I can draw with pens, pencils, Rapidographs, even blood if I had to.

Drawing boards, T-squares, adjustable angles, protracters, stencils, sanitary fittings templates, Autocad, freehand, scales, compasses, rubbers, razor blades and even angle poise lamps, I am an expert. No one can touch Swiss on draughting.

Draughting is so easy that i am king of draughting. If it needs to be draughted, I am your man. I will be top of the class and get an outstanding with ease. I may even help my colleagues who judging by the way they hold a pen will really struggle with this.

Whats that Bar Boy? Drafting? Whats that then?

Blimey, whats this all about? Writing? Legal stuff? Drafting?

I bought a copy of Pleadings without Tears, and was crying by page 5! It clearly is not working as a book. Misrepresentation methinks! All my plans for coming top have come crashing down to reality.

Drafting? Now I have a dilemna. Hearsay is in my head. I got it in the end. If I let Drafting in, Hearsay will fall out. I know it happens. I have studied law stuff before and keeping more than one concept in your head just does not work.

Drafting? Bloody american spelling. Why can't we keep it draughting and then I would be good at it.

Blimey.

Hearsay Evidence

WTF.........

This reminds me of the GDL, when they tell you to read something, you read it, and haven't got a darn clue what on earth it is all about. Funnily enough, it is the first thing on the course that hasn't seemed to be completely logical, clear and simple. (Other than Numpty in the class who is clearly simple)

Hearsay:
“Any statement made otherwise than by a person while giving oral evidence in the proceedings, which is tendered as evidence of the matters stated.”

OK, I understand that bit (I think), but you only need to read a further page, paragraph, sentence, or word, and it all goes to pot.

Hearsay.

I think I would stand more chance of trying to understand how 5 kids on a TV pop show could make so much money out of so little talent.

I think I need to do a bit more investigation on the subject and hopefully report back when I know what I am talking about.

Swizz

The Winders

I did read a very interesting tale about the 'Winders' on another blog, (Paranoid Pupil i think) describing the 'Winders' It is the Bankruptcy court dealing with winding up orders against companies. In a morning, always a Wednesday apparently, about 300 companies hit the skids.

This week I was observing. The High Court Judge deals with people's livelihoods in a very fast way. A certain amount of paperwork has to be submitted, in the correct order, and dealt with on the correct dates. The debtor serves a notice on the company, the application is advertised in the London Gazette, and a Certificate of Compliance with a list of creditors is sent to the court. The advert must be seven days or more after the service.

The court was packed with about 50 Junior Barristers with gowns and wigs. There were some members of the public who no doubt wanted to see the scumbags that owed them money declared dead and buried.

The clerk will call out, '56789 Dead Company Limited' Both parties, if they are there, rise. Usually there was just the one. 'I rise for the creditor and ask that if the paperwork is in order the usual order is given' The judge will check the paperwork (actually that had already been done so he had a series of ticks on a sheet) and said 'Yes, all in order, the usual order granted'

And that's the end of Dead Company Limited. Sum total, five seconds.

Half way through, with about 25% of cases not having the right paperwork, or the barrister making a complete tit of themselves in front of a gleeful audience, we got to '6789 Dead Scaffolding Company' The barrister rose, 'I rise for the creditor and ask that if the paperwork is in order the usual order is given'. The Judge began to say something but was interrupted by:

'NOOOOOOO....' Everyone looked round to see two of the biggest muscly men in history stood at the back demanding their day in court.

'Who are you?' asked the judge. 'We're Directors of the Scaffold Company and we don't wanna be wound up like. We managed to get the old bank manager to transfer £5000 this morning to clear the debt like'

The barrister looked a trifle concerned that the two guys would have words outside court if they didn't have their say, so he stumbled, muttered and tried to slide back into his chair.

'It aint our fault, the stoopid court froze the bank account so we cuddent pay the stoopid bill could we, but we done it today some'ow like'

The other director chipped in 'Yeah, our account is managed by the banking equivalent of Mr Bean'

Everyone looked at the judge. Possibly because these two guys looked as if they meant business and would beat up anyone who would disagree with them.

The judge looked up 'I am afraid that you will find that the whole British banking system is being run by the equivalent of Mr Bean!'

Judges, don't you just love 'em. Heart of gold he had, sense of humour, and top bloke.
The scaffold boys live to fight another day

Doing the LAMDA

As part of my glorious Inn's educational activities, a session of Lamda had been organised. They have actually arranged various sessions, and as Bar Boy discovered a couple of weeks ago, the Advocacy session was brilliant, and so today I found that doing the Lamda was probably better!

Whilst I admit that I did feel slightly overdressed in my little outfit (as pictured), the only drawback I found was the the skirt was slightly too short.

The session is all about communication. It is run by the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Arts (LAMDA), and had nothing to do with South American dancing with two hot chicks in my arms. I will admit to being a little dissapointed, but I didn't like to admit to my mistake, so gamely carried on.

We were divided into groups of 6 or 7, and following a heap load of relaxation exercises and facial gurning we each had a go at reading a few lines from Shakespeare, which was then praised and criticised in sometimes equal amounts! For some reason I was compared to Bottom! (Must have been the short skirt)

Then came the testing part. We had been asked to prepare a three minute speech which was listened to, picked apart, analysed, put back together, replayed, questioned, analysed again, and then applauded.

All in all, I did learn a massive amount about how to communicate effectively, how to project my voice, keep the audience interested, and generally not look stupid when speaking in public.

If anyone ever gets the chance to attend one of these events, go for it. It was brilliant.

Swizz

Negotiation

So we have had lessons in the ancient art of negotiation. Some of the class nearly came to blows, and some came to mind blowingly awful settlements on behalf of the client.

Me? I settled in each of the 6 tasks in about a minute each. And came to the best settlements in the whole class. Therefore, I am worried. Am I the best negotiator since Inspector Frost or was I just lucky? I suspect the latter. I don't think that the Police will be calling on my to resolve hostage situations, or to talk desperate people down from tall buildings.

I read the case, assessed the points that were not agreed, and then decided what a fair settlement would be. Worked the discussion to the point that what I said was fair, so how could you refuse it. If you do refuse it you are an idiot. They accepted it, job done. in fact, I even pushed things to gain more than I thought was fair.

I wonder if my experience with Family Law negotiations has made it seem this simple, or my nagging doubt that I was just lucky and the proper assessed negotiation will be a different kettle of fish and I will lose out completely.

I assumed that there must be something on the course that I will be good at, but now that I may have found it I am suspicious.

I have read all the stuff I can find on negotiation and I have used one approach out of the five suggested. Compromising. (Possibly a little collaborating too). I have yet to try using competing, avoiding or accommodating.

So, other than being argumentative with people and being a complete bully in any discussions I have on a daily basis, such as negotiating the television for the evening rather than just accept that watching re-runs of Strictly Come Dancing is easiest for a quiet life, or insisting that I do not want sausages for dinner, but would prefer steak, and then negotiate a settlement that includes chips. Chips seems good to me whatever comes with it!

What to do? Any suggestions for good books to read, or methods of getting some practice that won't bring me close to divorce or losing all of my business clients and friends?

Swizz

The Yoof of today

Waiting on the local train station this evening, I noticed a yoof speaking on his mobile.

'I know who he f***ing is and I will f***ing kill the little f***er. If he f***ing touches my f***ing bruvver I will f***ing kill him. I will defend my f***ing bruvver to the death.

'Nah mate, I can't tell you 'is f***ing name cos some bloke is ere listening and if 'e reads in the f***ing papers tomorrow that the little f***er is dead he will know it was f***ing me wot done it like'

'Yeah, thats f***ing right mate, I will nip 'ome and get me f***ing baseball bat and f***ing smash his head it. I will f***ing bury him I f***ing will.'

The surprising thing is that having listened to this little tirade, the part i found most disturbing was that he was going to kill him with a baseball bat and not a knife.

Obviously knife crime is on the wane. There will be a new law before Christmas banning people from walking about with sports equipment in public.

So if I read tomorrow that some f***er has had his head stoved in by an unknown assailant with a baseball bat, I won't be able to describe the yoof, remember that at 5.15 he was on Platform 4 and caught the train to the coast, all of which was caught by CCTV.

Yoof. Don't you just love 'em.

Big School

OK OK, so you all keep asking, 'What was it really like?'

Although 10 minutes late, I still had to join a queue for 'processing'. Checking Degree results (Or GDL in my case) to ensure that we had passed, checking that we had joined an Inn, and that was me processed.

All sorts of admin stuff, photos, locker keys, manuals, books and stuff.

Then a few lectures on how important attendance is, how we will be split into small groups, met by teachers and taken to our classes.

Further chat about attendance. The course content was run through and off for dinner.

Then another chat on attendance and it was nearly home time.

The next day we had a further reminder about attendance and we began Criminal stuff. It seems that we will be following a case from arrest through to sending the thieving scumbag to solitary confinement and being raped in the showers. Obviously he isn't guilty until proven guilty, but I have phoned ahead to Broadmoor to reserve him a place. I know he did it. I can tell.

So far it is all very interesting and completely new to me. I checked through the reading and preparation that I must get through before the next weekend and it is a heck of a lot more than I thought. Maybe I will need to reduce my working hours to cope. I may have winged the GDL, but I get the feeling that this will require a bit more devotion.

All in all, a good start. I enjoyed it, the class seem a decent bunch, nobody seems to be big headed or obnoxious, and once I get through the huge pile of preparation I have for the next weekends lesson I will try and work out a timetable for myself and a method of coping.

I have found though that although I am reading stuff it isn't sinking in. I see the words in the book but that's as far as they go at the moment. Looks like I may need to read things twice!

Now, what was it they said about attendance?

Swizz

ps In the photo, I am in the back row between the two girlies. I have a compass in the heel of my Clarkes shoes and a spider in a matchbox in my pocket. Oh, its great being back at school