Monday 5 July 2010

Swizzle Sticks

Swiss is shocked.

Only a couple of days ago, Swiss was guest of honour at a class reunion with his bestest friends from the BVC. Admittedly he had pleaded and cajoled them to turn up so it wasn't as much guest of honour as being allowed to mix with the clever people, and sitting outside the pub on a warm July evening all on his lonesome, he felt that they had let him down, until one by one they all arrived and sat before Swiss and marveled at his exploits and hung on his every word.

The merry group laughed, reminisced and laid out their plans for the future. Swiss had a little problem though, which seemed to magnify itself as the evening wore on. Much as Swiss likes a pint in convivial company, he isn't used to downing 6 pints of 'Tail Shaker', and his words became more slurred as the evening wore on.

It came to the point where Swiss was unable to think clearly, and so in a rash moment, totally unexpectedly he announced to cheers and whoops of delight that he was in fact SWISS TONY.

Swiss was shocked.

The cheers and whoops were all in his head, fuddled by alcohol of a greater strength than he was used to, because truth be known he might just as well announced that he had a blister on his left foot. Lead balloons don't go down much faster than the announcement.

Swiss was shocked to discover, that of the most learned and cleverest people he knew, none of them had been following his exploits. None of them had picked up his tips for passing the BVC, none of them had even heard of him before. Have they never seen the statue erected at CofLaw in his honour? Have they not been entered for the Swiss Tony Scholarship? Had they not eyed the Swiss Tony Advocacy prize with envy?

Oh the shame.

Swiss truly is shocked.

7 comments:

Minx said...

My Dear Swizzles,

The pleblian SWINE!!! How DARE they not bask in the maginificance of your blog!! They should all be taken out and made to clean the floor of the Thames Flood Barrier with their Tongues! I am incandescent with crossness!!!

Stephanie said...

Yo Swiss...
You are the man .. the main man..grrr
But ermm how can I say this... you negated to mention in your liquidous chattings with your BVC chums that you were friendly with The Minx, The Michael ( woah ) and the splendiferous multifaceted Andro ... not to mention that splendid hunk of a man that is BarBoy... grrr

Steph xx

barboy said...

Swiss, others not being familiar with your blog is the least of your worries. I was speaking with someone from CoL who was recalling how, at his class's recent drinks bash, a strange bloke showed up pretending to be a barrister. They were shocked.

Barmaid said...

Look on the bright side Swizz, you've picked up quite a following in China:-)

Swiss Tony said...

LM,

Your crossness has been noted, and when I can summon enough crossness to match it, I will give them all a good talking to.

Steph,

I don't know what drugs you have been taking lately, but if you think that Barboy is a splendid hulk of a man, you must be as high as a kite. He is, and always has been a wus of the highest order, and just calling him names makes him cry. Admittedly, he is a laugh in the playground at playtime, and the way he puts up the hood of his anorak, holds the bottom with both hands and flys around making aeroplane noises is brilliant, but he is still a wus.

BM,

Unfortunately, that isn't my following in China. I made the mistake of upsetting Chang who owns the local takeaway when I said he walked like he had prawn balls, and he has sworn a vendetta against me.

I don't understand what they get out of posting rubbish, but he, I have done it for a couple of years now!

Swizzle

Android said...

Don't worry, Swizz. At least the foreign bvc students like you blog a lot (judging from all the comments!)

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